In 2005, my friend Steve told me, “I love my job.” I was envious because at the time I felt unfulfilled in my work. I realize now that envy can be a gift. It acts as a neon sign that announces, “I want this for myself!” And it presents two options – change nothing and remain safe and miserable or do something different.
Here are three ways to do something different:
- Clarify – What about this person’s experience do I want? As it related to Steve, I realized that I wanted to use more of my creative skills, and I wanted to wake up in the morning looking forward to going to work.
- Self esteem check up – For me there’s often a hidden worthiness issue to clear up. I had to explore why I felt undeserving of a happy work life and with the help of therapy, affirmations and supportive friends turn that (crap) around.
- Bless their success – To bring my thinking to a more positive place, I now catch myself when I’m feeling envy and quickly wish that person happiness and well being.
Today I can honestly say, “I love my job!” And I no longer feel Steve-envy.
Have you ever moved from envy to achievement? What are your tips?
Years ago, I would daydream about things that I wished would happen. Once I told one of these fantasies to my friend, Cindy:
I wish I could be interviewed for a radio show.
Before I continue this story, I should tell you that Cindy is one of the most successful, goal-setting and goal reaching people I know. She has created and sold a business, directed and produced a film on the film festival circuit, started two non-profits and bought two houses. Are you getting the idea?
Cindy gave me a funny look as if I was truly an odd person. She was about to share with me one of my most powerful lessons that year. I think she was shocked that I didn’t already know it. She said, “Why don’t you change the word ‘fantasy’ and use the world ‘goal’ instead? Then figure out what actions will bring you to that goal?”
Is it as easy as that? Well, yes. And no.
Cindy’s suggestion that rather than just hope a radio segment producer would randomly think to contact me that I could proactively contact that person myself scared me. It challenged how I thought of myself. At the time, I didn’t see myself as “big enough” for such a glamorous opportunity. So what I discovered about myself is that daydreams and fantasies were a way to soothe myself. I was able to stay in the comfort of a smaller life without risking, growing and changing.
Do you ever find yourself daydreaming about longed for experiences without taking action? You’re not alone. Stay tuned, we’re going to talk more on this subject.
About being a radio show guest – yes, I finally did it! The interview is about being a “Power Presenter” and here’s a link.
What can you do this week that scares you?
To keep your life feeling vital and your self esteem high, consider a commitment that will stretch but not break you. You could have that critical conversation that you’ve been putting off or take a class doing something you’re interested in but not particularly good at. For one of my friends, it would be to put up an internet dating profile.
Mine? I’m going to send invitations for my first ever teleseminar. It’s on stress management, and you can expect my invite in your inbox soon. How does it make me feel? Totally out of my comfort zone; that’s the whole point!
Care to share your scary commitment? I’d love to support and be inspired by you.
Jean I’m-All-Ears Franzblau